My most recent chapter – here’s an excerpt for your edification.
Our Belgians’ hooves kicked up miniature dust clouds as they walked in the corral. These were sorrel-colored work horses the size of Clydesdales, but without the ‘feathers’. The warm summer day was bright and windless. I was working in the stuffy barn, perspiration stinging my eyes, mucking out the stalls surrounded by the sweet smell of alfalfa hay and the pungent odor of horse manure. One of our barn cats was nursing her newest litter of mewling kittens on a pile of fresh straw, their tiny paws kneading her sides as they filled their bellies. Dale, a gelding, our mare Katie, and her new foal, Kip, were outside in the fenced corral attached to the barn stretching their legs, their tails constantly flicking flies off their sweat-shined coats.
Kip was a brand-new foal of just a few days. I had watched his birth, commiserating with Katie during her labor, for I was acquainted with that kind of pain. I could see it in her eyes. At Katie’s final push, Kip slid out still encased in his amniotic sac and as soon as his tightly curled up body touched the dusty ground, the sac split neatly from his head to his hooves. His chest heaved, he opened his eyes, and struggled to stand, all wobbly on his knobby knees, his legs trembling, breathing deeply of the life-giving air.
After just a few days he was trotting around outside with his momma, growing stronger every day. After taking care of my chores in the barn, I walked outside and witnessed a sight I’ll never forget.
Dale was bullying Kip and had just nipped him. As I exited the barn, I saw Kip attempting to get away from the much bigger horse. It seemed only a fraction of a second. Suddenly Katie was there in all her motherly indignation, whinnying, forcing Dale into a corner of the corral. Katie ran circles around him, making terrifying noises, while the dusty earth boiled up around them both like smoke from a furnace. She got him cornered, his rear to the rails, turned her back to him and swiftly kicked him in the jaw with both back legs twice in succession with lighting speed and deadly accuracy. A horrific crack reverberated in the air, then she calmly trotted off to join her baby.
Dale stood there for a long time his head hanging down, clearly in a lot of pain, embarrassment in his very stance.
This scene of maternal protectiveness scored itself deeply into my memory. Kip stood safely off to the side while his momma kicked butt, or jaw, as was the case. She did what it took to protect her baby. Dale never bullied Kip again.
The picture of boiling dust, a screaming horse, and justice swiftly served was how I viewed my periodic times of conflict. I was Katie, delivering justice. But for me, I wasn’t protecting anyone but myself. I had felt alone for most of my life and the only one sticking up for me was me. It was a lonely feeling.
I had something happen recently to put a new spin on this for me. It seems I’ve been meting out justice for myself unnecessarily. I had the picture all wrong. I wasn’t Katie. I was Kip. And God was telling me through the wise counsel of my older son that He would be doing any kicking needed this time.
Have you been taken advantage of? Lied about and lied to? Expected to ‘take it’ and go along to get along? It sticks in your craw, doesn’t it? My fighting instincts take over and I’m ready to kick them in the jaw and make them behave. Some things in life are black and white. Right or wrong.
My prickly personality comes out in earnest as I feel I’m fighting for my life. I don’t back down and I don’t give in. However.
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience. It is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11
Jeremy reminded me that my job is to be salt and light, not make sure I’m always treated with the respect I deserve. Learning how to defuse a situation and speak words of edification coupled with compassion is needed to live the life God desires of us.
Remember the fruits of the Spirit? It’s not always convenient to think about them is it? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)
I love the opening paragraph in the Preface of Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker. “Peacemakers are people who breathe grace. They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life.”
There’s a fine line between enabling bad behavior, because I’ve certainly been there, done that, and stepping back and allowing God to use you to handle a situation with eternity in mind. That may mean submitting under God to be taken advantage of. What’s the difference, you’re wondering?
That’s an excellent question and I’m not sure I have a clear answer. I think motivation has a lot to do with it. What is my motivation for cracking someone’s jaw? What is the bigger picture? Who is watching this all play out? Will Christ be honored by my behavior? Will a weaker brother or sister, or an unbeliever be hurt by how I handle this?
These are important questions and wisdom is called for.
I need to breathe grace.
I stepped back, did a lot of praying, and responded calmly and without anger. I felt I needed them to at least understand my point of view, remembering to attack the problem, not the person. Trying to find a win/win so everyone can walk away happy with the outcome. And now, I leave the decision to God.
In the past, Katie would come out in me. The dust would rise like smoke from my harsh words as I pushed with them, choosing each word carefully like David did the stones he placed in his sling. Verbally shoving them against a wall until I got what I wanted without regard to any damage being done to the relationship.
But that’s not the way Jesus wants me to be.
I encourage you to take the time to slowly and prayerfully read Matthew chapter 5 and tell me I was right in going on the attack. Tough words to read, aren’t they?
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
“You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored?” “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”
My testimony must remain intact. My motivation must be pure.
Remember I’ve said before that our time here is to train us for eternity? Hebrews chapter 12 is a powerful exhortation on how we should conduct ourselves.
Here’s just a few verses: “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addressed you as sons? ‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.” Hebrews 12:3-7
Being a child of the Most High God is an awesome, incomparable privilege and I am thankful for human angels God has placed in my life to remind me of whose I am and the important work I need to be about.
Stay focused on eternity. Work on resolving conflict with patience and compassion. If there’s to be any jaw kicking, let your Heavenly Father take care of it.
Strive to be known as a peacemaker who breathes grace.