Day three of my Arizona journey. Peace and quiet and comfort. What more is there to want? Steadfastly agreeing to patiently wait for God’s timing, because his is perfect.
Day Three: Frozen Lake.
My early morning walk with the sun still low in the sky was lengthy and invigorating. I was immersed in the soft light of what was going to be a hot day. But for now, the soft breeze was wonderfully comfortable. I walked around the famous fountain, snapped a few pictures, and enjoyed watching other people out and about getting their morning exercise as well.
My mountains still beckon me to come and play. Hopefully that will happen on Wednesday. They seem to smile at me like long-lost friends who I want to sit down with and catch up on all the news. I want to spend some quality time with them. I even bought myself a sun-hat yesterday to keep me from getting too much sun on my walk, when it happens.
I’ll be looking at condos on Tuesday. Just to see what’s on the market. I’m not ready to buy. Really, I’m not. Looking will give me a goal to shoot for. Just for when it’s the right time to move here.
Can I confess something? I have this life-long habit of picking up and leaving. Poof, I’m gone, just like that. Once I make up my mind and line up my justifications (whether good or manufactured), I’m off. When situations get too stressful or strained and I feel like I’m trapped in a cage, I pack up and leave.
This is, of course, not necessarily a good thing. But not necessarily bad either. It shows I’m not afraid to leave a bad situation which is good. It also shows I tire of difficult situations and sometimes leave and start over just to be away from the stress rather than work through whatever it is that needs to be worked through. And that’s not so good. I have issues, but don’t we all?
Balance and patience are what I am sometimes lacking, and endurance.
Arizona, you see, is my frozen lake. There’s this poignant scene in season 5 of my favorite show NCIS Los Angeles where Deeks and Kensi, finally beginning to acknowledge their feelings for each other, have a conversation.
Kensi, with tears in her eyes says, “I’m standing on my frozen lake.”
Deeks replies softly and sadly, “I don’t know what that means.”
And Kensi explains that a frozen lake is where the thing you want so bad is sitting and you’ll do anything to get it. Your heart takes over and you think you can just run out there and grab it…
Then Deeks interjects – “but you don’t realize you’re already standing on the ice and it’s breaking all around you.”
Later in the episode, Deeks asks a Gurka for counsel. Thapa had started to tell Deeks earlier how to cross a frozen lake, so he pleaded with him to finish the story. “Go slowly, looking all around you. You must be patient. She will wait for you.”
What my heart desperately wants is to live in Arizona again. But this time, I dare not run across my frozen lake to grab what I want. I must be patient and wait until God says it’s time.
One thing I’ve had to learn over and over is that God’s timing is better than my own. It can be hard to patiently wait when the thing you want is so very close. You just want to reach out and grab it.
I don’t want the ice to break around me this time.
