I first penned this back in the Spring of 2014 when I was struggling with that age-old issue of forgiving. Why is it so hard to do, and why is it so hard to remember how important it is?
The chains were too tight. They threatened to cut off her breath. Jess kept waiting for her tormentor to let her go.
“Please!” She begged – “I have nothing more to give you!”
She slowly sank down to the ground in her small, dark cage and leaned her back against the cold bars. Drawing her knees up to shield her face, she sobbed out her grief. How long has she been here? She had lost track of time. The days and nights crept forward, never halting, and without illumination.
She knew she had been here for many days.
There was a very small opening in the stone wall up near the ceiling that let in air and just a hint of light sometimes.
Would her little friend stop by to visit again today? He was just a sparrow, but she really looked forward to hearing him pecking around outside her window.
Just yesterday she thought she heard him speaking to her. I’m getting delusional, she thought.
But she distinctly remembered his squeaky whispers.
“Let it go”. That’s what she heard. It echoed in her mind and she couldn’t shut out the voice. Was that really what he said?
No, that can’t be right. What could she let go of? She was chained here – a prisoner.
“Jess, Jess!”
Who is there? Was it her little friend again today?
“I can hear you, little sparrow!” Oh, dear God please don’t let me be losing my mind! Jess thought.
“I have the key for you, Jess!”
Those squeaky whispers made her heart leap for joy.
“Where is it? I’m right here!” A sob caught in her throat as her hope awakened.
“You must listen ever so carefully, ok?”
“Ok!”
“Let it go.”
“What?”
“Let it go. Forgive.”
“What?!”
“Let it go. Forgive.”
Her new hope withered and died. Just like that. Clearly she was delusional. Let go of what? And forgive who? Surely he wasn’t suggesting she forgive her tormentor?
Out of the question! How could she forgive the very one inflicting her pain day in and day out? No one should be expected to do that.
By the time she came to herself, her little friend had left.
She felt more lonely and abandoned than she had ever felt in her life. Even her little friend mocked her pain.
But his words drilled themselves deep down inside her heart. And became a mantra.
Three days later, after listening to this mantra almost non-stop, she heard her little friend outside.
But, wait, it sounded different.
“Are you there, little friend?”
“Don’t listen to him – you’ve been wronged! You need justice and revenge! Don’t listen to him!”
“Who are you?”
“Hold tightly and never forgive and never forget!”
“Wait! What?”
She heard a slithering sound and then silence.
Confusion filled her heart. Oh, please, I just want my little friend back! Please!
She threw herself down to the filthy dirt floor and cried out her frustration and conflict. After a while, she became calm. Her thoughts drifted and she began to remember.
There were some good times. Yes, that’s true. They weren’t all bad. Her thoughts went further back in time. Back beyond her own personal knowledge of events. She saw her tormentor as a child. Then as a young person. Then as an adult. She saw things and her heart warmed to this person who had experienced their own brand of hurt.
And she began to understand.
“Hi, Jess!” whispered her little friend. She could hear a smile in his voice today.
“Are you ready to use your key?” he said to her.
“Yes, oh, yes!” she cried out.
“Wonderful! I’ll see you outside then. It’s a beautiful day here – come on!”
Her little friend was so right – it was a gorgeously beautiful day, and Jess, with her arms lifted high danced around and around until she fell to the ground laughing , inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers.
