by Victoria -

Jaw-cracking and Peace-making

My most recent chapter – here’s an excerpt for your edification.

Our Belgians’ hooves kicked up miniature dust clouds as they walked in the corral. These were sorrel-colored work horses the size of Clydesdales, but without the ‘feathers’. The warm summer day was bright and windless. I was working in the stuffy barn, perspiration stinging my eyes, mucking out the stalls surrounded by the sweet smell of alfalfa hay and the pungent odor of horse manure. One of our barn cats was nursing her newest litter of mewling kittens on a pile of fresh straw, their tiny paws kneading her sides as they filled their bellies. Dale, a gelding, our mare Katie, and her new foal, Kip, were outside in the fenced corral attached to the barn stretching their legs, their tails constantly flicking flies off their sweat-shined coats.

Kip was a brand-new foal of just a few days. I had watched his birth, commiserating with Katie during her labor, for I was acquainted with that kind of pain. I could see it in her eyes. At Katie’s final push, Kip slid out still encased in his amniotic sac and as soon as his tightly curled up body touched the dusty ground, the sac split neatly from his head to his hooves. His chest heaved, he opened his eyes, and struggled to stand, all wobbly on his knobby knees, his legs trembling, breathing deeply of the life-giving air.

After just a few days he was trotting around outside with his momma, growing stronger every day. After taking care of my chores in the barn, I walked outside and witnessed a sight I’ll never forget.

Dale was bullying Kip and had just nipped him. As I exited the barn, I saw Kip attempting to get away from the much bigger horse. It seemed only a fraction of a second. Suddenly Katie was there in all her motherly indignation, whinnying, forcing Dale into a corner of the corral. Katie ran circles around him, making terrifying noises, while the dusty earth boiled up around them both like smoke from a furnace. She got him cornered, his rear to the rails, turned her back to him and swiftly kicked him in the jaw with both back legs twice in succession with lighting speed and deadly accuracy. A horrific crack reverberated in the air, then she calmly trotted off to join her baby.

Dale stood there for a long time his head hanging down, clearly in a lot of pain, embarrassment in his very stance.

This scene of maternal protectiveness scored itself deeply into my memory. Kip stood safely off to the side while his momma kicked butt, or jaw, as was the case. She did what it took to protect her baby. Dale never bullied Kip again.

The picture of boiling dust, a screaming horse, and justice swiftly served was how I viewed my periodic times of conflict. I was Katie, delivering justice. But for me, I wasn’t protecting anyone but myself. I had felt alone for most of my life and the only one sticking up for me was me. It was a lonely feeling.

I had something happen recently to put a new spin on this for me. It seems I’ve been meting out justice for myself unnecessarily. I had the picture all wrong. I wasn’t Katie. I was Kip. And God was telling me through the wise counsel of my older son that He would be doing any kicking needed this time.

Have you been taken advantage of? Lied about and lied to? Expected to ‘take it’ and go along to get along? It sticks in your craw, doesn’t it? My fighting instincts take over and I’m ready to kick them in the jaw and make them behave. Some things in life are black and white. Right or wrong.

My prickly personality comes out in earnest as I feel I’m fighting for my life. I don’t back down and I don’t give in. However.

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience. It is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

Jeremy reminded me that my job is to be salt and light, not make sure I’m always treated with the respect I deserve. Learning how to defuse a situation and speak words of edification coupled with compassion is needed to live the life God desires of us.

Remember the fruits of the Spirit? It’s not always convenient to think about them is it? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

I love the opening paragraph in the Preface of Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker. “Peacemakers are people who breathe grace. They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life.”

There’s a fine line between enabling bad behavior, because I’ve certainly been there, done that, and stepping back and allowing God to use you to handle a situation with eternity in mind. That may mean submitting under God to be taken advantage of. What’s the difference, you’re wondering?

That’s an excellent question and I’m not sure I have a clear answer. I think motivation has a lot to do with it. What is my motivation for cracking someone’s jaw? What is the bigger picture? Who is watching this all play out? Will Christ be honored by my behavior? Will a weaker brother or sister, or an unbeliever be hurt by how I handle this?

These are important questions and wisdom is called for.

I need to breathe grace.

I stepped back, did a lot of praying, and responded calmly and without anger. I felt I needed them to at least understand my point of view, remembering to attack the problem, not the person. Trying to find a win/win so everyone can walk away happy with the outcome. And now, I leave the decision to God.

In the past, Katie would come out in me. The dust would rise like smoke from my harsh words as I pushed with them, choosing each word carefully like David did the stones he placed in his sling. Verbally shoving them against a wall until I got what I wanted without regard to any damage being done to the relationship.

But that’s not the way Jesus wants me to be.

I encourage you to take the time to slowly and prayerfully read Matthew chapter 5 and tell me I was right in going on the attack. Tough words to read, aren’t they?

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

“You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored?” “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”

My testimony must remain intact. My motivation must be pure.

Remember I’ve said before that our time here is to train us for eternity? Hebrews chapter 12 is a powerful exhortation on how we should conduct ourselves.

Here’s just a few verses: “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addressed you as sons? ‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.” Hebrews 12:3-7

Being a child of the Most High God is an awesome, incomparable privilege and I am thankful for human angels God has placed in my life to remind me of whose I am and the important work I need to be about.

Stay focused on eternity. Work on resolving conflict with patience and compassion. If there’s to be any jaw kicking, let your Heavenly Father take care of it.

Strive to be known as a peacemaker who breathes grace.

by Victoria -

New Adventures

I’m in a novel reading obsession again, learning about boudin and beignets and crawfish boils. Because I love reading authors who know how to set a mood and are masters at imagery, I’ve been enjoying James Lee Burke’s Dave Robicheaux novel series. I’ve read them before, so this time around I’m noticing more detail about the interesting people and unique setting he chose for these memorable stories.

Most of this series is set in Louisiana – New Orleans and New Iberia in particular – and he often describes the local food and appetites of his colorful cast of characters in detail. He’s one of the few authors I’ve read who can write dialogue with excellence. I didn’t know what boudin was, so I looked it up. That clinched it – I had to try some out.

One of my 2019 New Year’s resolutions is to do something new every month. As an old homebody by nature and nurture, I can become tightly entrenched in a rut of my own making. When I told Storm, my youngest son, my ‘new thing’ for this past June was to watch all 5 seasons of Leverage (which I accomplished, thank you very much!), he was not impressed.

So, because of his disappointment in his momma, I went online and found a Cajun restaurant close by my home, drove myself there (the whole 2 miles or so), and enjoyed some boudin and a crawfish cake Sunday after church. To make it more authentic, I took my Burke novel with me and read it while I ate.

I must say, the boudin balls were good – not as flavorful as I anticipated after watching a youtube video on how to prepare them, but the crawfish cake was excellent – the sauce was wonderful and the presentation was nice, too. In my inexperienced opinion, the ratio of rice to pork and other ingredients was too high. White rice doesn’t have much flavor on its own, so it’s a good thing the dipping sauce was full of zing.

My server was efficient, but I wasn’t very successful at getting her to smile or interact much with me. I think she was a girl. But I’m not positive. She might have been identifying as a boy, but the way people present themselves to the world by the way they dress and do their hair nowadays I’m not quite sure. I was considered a tomboy growing up (I know, old-fashioned term) but I never forgot I was a girl. I roughhoused with the boys, but when it was all said and done, a girl I was and have always been. And I like being a girl. Each gender has its advantages and disadvantages. That’s why we complement each other so well. Guys are good at certain things and girls are good at other things. It’s worked fine for many centuries. I don’t know why it’s suddenly bad. It’s as if today’s modern society has evolved to the point they believe they know more than God. Sad, indeed.

My server seemed inwardly unhappy or discontent, I’m not sure which, or both. When I see that in someone, it usually stirs up some inner desire in me to make them smile. I’d like to help make their day nicer. I asked her opinion on what was good and thanked her for her help.

I recently experienced the suicide of a friend who was struggling with depression I wasn’t aware of, so my spidey senses are heightened right now. I read some statistics about transgender people who have more tendencies toward depression and suicide, so when I noticed my server was not your typical smiling waitress/waiter, it kicked my maternal instincts into high gear.

Hopefully, I was able to accomplish making her less unhappy, if even in a small measure. I did give her a good tip, so I’m sure that helped.

For my next month’s new adventure, I think I’ll go for a helicopter tour. Yep. Sounds about right.

What new thing are you doing?

by Victoria -

Helping, Serving, Healing

The whole concept of helping others, serving others, healing others, grew in me as a seed is placed in humus-rich soil, and begins pushing out roots, growing toward the sun.

As you can no doubt tell from previous chapters, I, unfortunately, hadn’t given this important facet of life a place of prominence in my day to day journey. It was hardly on my radar for many years.

I focused on raising my children and running a household. I homeschooled them and, since we lived out in the country, always had a large garden to plant and harvest, chickens to tend to, and horses to curry. We did sponsor children from Compassion, and after more than twenty years I still have a child I sponsor whose name is Kim, from the Philippines. I think I’ve sponsored about six different children over the years. It’s a wonderful organization doing God’s work.

The real transformation began back, again, in Arizona. Through those three books I mentioned before, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Don Miller, Outlive Your Life, by Max Lucado, and The Walk, by Richard Paul Evans, God opened for me a desire to be used for something – I suddenly wanted to be remembered for a legacy of service to others. Not how much money I’d earned or how big my house was or how nice my things were.

You must remember, I’m an introvert and being alone is what I prefer most of the time. Serving others meant I’d have to actually interact with people and open myself up to feeling their pain and possibly not maintaining that so-carefully-groomed emotional control. Life was going to get much more complicated.

I also consumed other books with similar ideas. Books like Radical by David Platt and Love Does, Bob Goff’s first book, and a book I’ve been quoting from, Brennan Manning’s The Furious Longing of God. As I read and meditated on them along with the scriptures, I was astounded at what I had been missing out on all these years.

While living in Arizona I became involved with Operation Christmas Child, a branch of Samaritan’s Purse, run by Franklin Graham, and enjoyed the opportunity to be part of such a Christ-centered organization helping children around the world. Franklin’s book Rebel With a Cause helped cement in me the importance of what our real purpose here is.

Once I moved back to Michigan, I was spending most of my time serving my parents, but once I landed a part-time retail job so I could continue to make my car payments, I was able to find ways to plant seeds of the Gospel there as I interacted with customers. Sometimes I would have only a minute or two, but I planted the seeds anyway, and prayed that God would bring the increase.

Things really gained momentum when God moved me to Florida and I found myself attending Northstar Church, an imperfect group of Believers whose focus is ‘helping the whole world find and follow Jesus’. They are dead serious about serving their community and I’ve learned a lot about selflessness and sacrifice during my sojourn here. Their constant example of self-giving has been inspiring.

Something else that changed how I see others happened when my son was sentenced to prison. I was suddenly forced to look at and interact with other prisoners when I’d go and visit my son every Saturday. The Spirit was whispering to my heart – ‘I see value in them. Look at them with my eyes.’

These two settings, becoming part of a local church who loves its community, and seeing prisoners from God’s perspective, effectively adjusted how I view the world. We are all broken, and we are all loved by God who sent Jesus to die for not just those of us who are only kind-of bad, but for the really bad. The Apostle John meant it when he penned these words that most of us know by heart: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

He didn’t say ‘for God so loved the good people and the pretty good people and the people who keep their nose clean’. He said the world. That includes a whole host of goodness and badness.

So, you see, these were lessons I couldn’t learn in Arizona. I had to learn them in Florida – the perfect environment. I was drafted for a lead part in an epic drama and given my lines. I had to practice them over and over and become the character so that in the end the lines weren’t delivered by an actor, but by a true believer.

These next stories span many years. As I looked back on my life, there were things that happened I didn’t fully understand at the time, but now am able to clearly see the lesson behind the scene.

I’d like to end this introduction with a fairly lengthy passage from, once again, Brennan Manning’s masterpiece, The Furious Longing of God:

“Healing is a response to a crisis in the life of another person. It’s enough of a response, a satisfactory response to a crisis in the life of another. And wherever the word crisis is used in the Greek New Testament, it is translated in English as judgment. That’s right – judgment. Healing is a response that I make to a decisive moment in the life of a brother or sister; whether I respond or not, I have made a judgment.

Healing becomes the opportunity to pass off to another human being what I have received from the Lord Jesus; namely His unconditional acceptance of me as I am, not as I should be. He loves me whether in a state of grace or disgrace, whether I live up to the lofty expectations of His gospel or I don’t. He comes to me where I live and loves me as I am.

When I have passed that same reality on to another human being, the result most often has been the inner healing of their heart through the touch of my affirmation. To affirm a person is to see good in them that they cannot see in themselves and to repeat it in spite of appearances to the contrary. Please, this is not a Pollyanna optimism that is blind to the reality of evil, but rather like a fine radar system that is tuned in to the true, the good, and the beautiful. When a person is evoked for who she is, not who she is not, the most often result will be the inner healing of her heart through the touch of affirmation.” (pgs. 82-83)