by Victoria -

Keeping on keeping on – perseverance in the journey

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, and post 17 of week 17.   I am always amazed at God’s patience with his children as we stumble through life.  I’m so glad he never gives up on us.

We come from places of deep brokenness, and God is not hindered in making us into beautiful jewels.

The following stories are important truths God showed me over a period of years when I had been wandering in a wilderness of disappointment and discouragement for most of my adult life. I had two failed marriages to my name and, being a Christian, divorce had never been an option before. My life fell apart not once, but twice. A lot of re-thinking happened during that time. And a lot of healing.

Satan had convinced me for many years that I was not enough. I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t do enough. I had too many character flaws. I was too prickly and too aloof. I can still hear my mom saying to me when I was a child, “left-handed people can’t do nothing right.” Those words still hurt to this day.

Then my first husband made sure I understood I was nothing on my own, and that everything I had was only because of him. And since my mom had told me over and over I couldn’t do anything right, I believed him.

Then my second husband always told me I was prickly and cold. And I believed him as well.

I was not enough. I had never been enough.

Enter, God.

It was during my second divorce that God providentially placed me in Arizona where I lived all alone for four years. I was born and raised in Michigan and was happy to leave not just the cold weather and gray skies, but the level of stress that was killing me.

That self-imposed isolation was crucial to my growth and healing. God took the time to gently teach me something so powerful that it upended everything I had believed up to then. I was his special treasure, cherished, and beloved. No one had ever made me feel that way before. It was a brand-new experience and I soaked it up. Those years in Arizona changed my life. My heart is still there.

This is what I learned: I am enough. I have always been enough.

After four years I ended up back in Michigan, living in my parents’ basement and helping my dad care for my mom after she was diagnosed with dementia, where a whole host of new lessons were learned.

Then God spirited me away to Florida, where the lessons have continued.

As you read these short stories of perseverance and endurance, I hope they’ll be as encouraging to you as learning the lessons were to me.

They aren’t necessarily chronological, and I’ve had to re-learn some lessons over and over, so don’t feel discouraged when it happens to you.

One of the wonderful things about our Heavenly Father is that he’s patient with us, like a shepherd with his sheep.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)

He carefully watches over us and searches for us when we wander off, lovingly bringing us back to the flock. He doesn’t abandon us to our fate – he comes and finds us, rescuing us from the consequences of our own actions. He lovingly binds up our wounds making sure we’re going to be ok.

That’s the kind of God worth living for.

by Victoria -

What introverts need to know

Back to my one post per week cycle.  If you haven’t done so yet, please read about my Arizona journey – I wrote one blog post per day for a week.  Now that I’m back home in Florida, it’s time to get in the groove.  This is post 16 of week 16.

For those who’ve known me for a while, they understand I’m an introvert. If you’ve read much of my blog, I’ll bet you’ve picked up on it, too.

Being an introvert means I prefer my own company. It means I’m just fine being by myself most of the time. It means I avoid groups like the plague.

It also means I’m an HSP – highly sensitive person. I feel and absorb others’ emotions and it gets overwhelming. Hence, the need for solitude to re-group and re-charge.

Some years ago, God put me in sales. Yes, he did. I cried and I begged, but to no avail. Sales is where God wanted me and that’s where I am to this day. Out of desperation and a need to survive, I learned how to sell things by using words. I became good at sales by learning how to connect with my customers. My HSP has come in handy many times over.

I also began to write. It’s cathartic for me and a way to put my thoughts and deepest feelings into words that I, many times, am not able to say out loud. And in order to get better at writing, I began to write articles for newspapers and magazines. In order to do that, however, I needed to conduct interviews with real live people.

A funny thing happened. I got to know all kinds of wonderful people. I wrote articles about recovering addicts and foster families and charitable organizations and rehab centers. I wrote articles about healing from sickness and mission trips and deliverance from a hurricane.

As I interviewed these extraordinary folks, I became connected to them and them to me. I learned about their fears and pain, aspirations and dreams. I learned about their failures and victories. Their stories became a part of me.

I saw one of my story-people today and it was like meeting a long-lost friend. We hugged and made plans to get together. We share something special because I know her in a way most don’t. And I value that knowledge and connection. I feel the same about each and every one of my story-people. They have made me a richer person because of our brief time together.

As an introvert I struggle with feeling inadequate. Over the years there’ve been many instances where I felt so unable to help others in ways many of my friends do on a regular basis. I tend to hide from emotion because it’s scary and I don’t feel in control of the situation. My help is, quite often, given long-distance. Too much emotion sucks the life out of me. I care, but I can’t allow myself to care too deeply for very long.

Sitting at my computer, typing on my keyboard, I feel safe.

But this funny thing happened. It finally occurred to me that God, in making me an introvert, not only knew what he was doing, but planned it on purpose. My way of helping others is just fine with him. As a matter of fact, that’s exactly how he wants me to serve others.

Let me explain. When I write your story and it’s published in a newspaper or magazine, the readers of that publication get to know you, too. Your story touches them in just the way God wanted it to happen. Ripples of eternity begin the moment I hit the ‘send’ button on my email and your story starts its irreversible path of destiny.

My part in the story is short and temporary. But my part is essential, nonetheless.

We all have our roles to play. Never feel like you’re not good enough. As that little boy so many years ago said, ‘God don’t make no junk.’ He designed you with love for a specific purpose. I encourage you to go on an adventure and find out just what that is.

by Victoria -

Home

Day Eight.  And thus ends my Arizona journey.  I am thankful.  And I have a cold.

Day Eight: Home

It was going to be warmer today, and sunny, but, alas, I wouldn’t be enjoying much of it. It was time to finish packing and get myself to the airport for the flight home. Goodbye, Arizona! Florida, here I come!

Home. I can have more than one, can’t I?

It ended up being quite a long day, and my cold wasn’t helping. Because of the nasty weather plowing through the Dallas area, where my connecting flight was, my first flight from Phoenix was delayed by about an hour. No problem, because this time I had a 2-plus hour layover and I wasn’t worried about making the second flight.

We arrived in Dallas, then sat on the tarmac for 2 hours waiting to de-plane, 51st in the queue for an empty gate. You’d think that everyone would be ready to get their butts off the plane quickly, but, no. It took an inordinate amount of time for the overhead bins to be emptied and the passengers to get their acts together and their stuff and walk down the aisle and out the door. It’s a good thing the weather also delayed my next flight by an hour, but by the time I had dis-embarked, I was out of time.

I ran to catch my connecting flight.

We arrived in Panama City an hour late, at 10:30pm, and I was ready to be home and in bed. With my cold, my ears had made me excruciatingly aware, on both flights when we descended to a lower altitude, that they were unhappy. I still can’t hear out of my right ear.

Then we all stood around waiting for our luggage to show up on the carousel. Mine didn’t. Neither did about 10 others’ bags. So, we trooped over to the American Airlines counter where only one person was there, and he was definitely not in a hurry to take care of our issues. I timed it. It was about 20 minutes per person. Seriously.   Anyway, my luggage will hopefully appear at some point later this evening (Sunday), since I’m clearly writing this the day after my arrival back in rainy Florida.

Yes, I typed rainy. A very rainy Florida. Where in the world is the sun?

But, enough of my whining. I am home safe and for that I am truly grateful.

I wanted to take a few minutes and re-cap my week in Arizona. My purpose in taking this vacation was two-fold. Since I’m an OCD person and a list-maker, I have a hard time just doing something only for fun. There has to be a purpose in it somewhere or I feel I’m not being the human I should be. Strange, I know.

I knew I needed some time off to just chill and get re-connected and grounded spiritually, and work on my book. And that needed time and space with no interruptions.

It worked perfectly.

The Holy Spirit helped me remember and then memorialize. Going back to the one place where I met God in an extra-special way after seven years of absence was like the reunion with a long-lost love. The years melted away as if they’d never been. The lessons I had learned in my desert wanderings came back to warm my heart.

When I said goodbye to Arizona in 2012, I begged God to let me someday return to live there. The separation has been long and, at times, heart-wrenching. But along the way, in all the towns and cities he has placed me since, I’ve been given grace upon grace, friends, and family, and plenty of peace.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire granted is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12.

Arizona, this past week, was a beautiful gift given to me by my Heavenly Father and I will forever be eternally grateful.

Onward and upward!